I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. The signs were all there and I should have removed myself from the situation so that I could recharge and re-center as I clearly wasn't coping, but my sleep-deprived venomous tongue got the better of me and has damaged a relationship I valued dearly.
I realize now that I can't please everyone and that it is important to check in with myself to see how I'm doing. I realize now that it is okay to say no when I feel overburdened or over-committed and that I shouldn't feel guilty for doing this to protect myself or my time. I also realize that in order for me to be the best version of myself, I need to be a fully-functioning, healthy, and happy individual, which means getting a good night's sleep, having healthy relationships (by re-evaluating/removing myself from toxic ones), and actually liking, accepting and being comfortable with who I am.
I am going to try and salvage the relationship I had but also vow to myself to listen and trust my instincts in the future. I vow to learn to look out for the signs and give myself time to think about my answers when I feel overburdened and over-committed so that I can formulate a response rather than dive straight into my usual people-pleasing mode. I vow to be true to myself and to others by reaching out to my social circle, not only for the fun things but for when I need those social connections to help me feel re-centered so that I can work towards being the best version of myself. I also vow not to compare myself with others but instead honour and appreciate the true, unique qualities that make me who I am.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect on my shortcomings and provide me with a clearer perspective on the matter so that I can see that I cannot maintain my own "perfectionist" state of play that I impose upon myself 24 hours, 7 days a week.
Here's to honouring my own well-being and allowing others to do the same so that we can all aim to be the best version of ourselves.
Love always, A wiser, kinder, happier, and more rational me.
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